I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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