i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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