i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
