like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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