plz talk dirty to me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
