i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
