I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP