i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.