Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

it's too hot outside to masturbate.

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(310): it's too hot outside to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/dql5

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(818): View more from California

this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

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(818): this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera http://tfl.nu/scvo

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(407): View more from Florida

At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

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(407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes

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(603): my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes http://tfl.nu/2y76

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(207): View more from Maine

in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask

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(207): in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask http://tfl.nu/lip1

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(619): View more from California

went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

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(619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno

Replies (27) Good night (7770) Bad night (1063)
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(352): View more from Florida

I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

(917): View more from New York City

I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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(352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1

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(954): View more from Florida

I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.

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(954): I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure. http://tfl.nu/up4h

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(219): View more from Indiana

THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.

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(219): THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA. http://tfl.nu/qipd

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve

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(412): Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve http://tfl.nu/y29u

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(408): View more from California

Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.

(831): View more from California

You did a keg stand on the toilet?!

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(408): Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying. (831): You did a keg stand on the toilet?! http://tfl.nu/1e43

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(315): View more from New York

I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

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(315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.

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(832): Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right. http://tfl.nu/ngre

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(630): View more from Illinois

I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets

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(630): I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets http://tfl.nu/owc7

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(619): View more from California

It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.

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(619): It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception. http://tfl.nu/8si3

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