i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.