I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
