How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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