I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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