Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
