I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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