What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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