he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.