Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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