can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.