just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.