Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
