My friends, they love my intelligence
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
