Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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