Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize
