if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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