The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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