the condom got lost in my hair
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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