I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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