so that wasnt chicken after all
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
