officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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