well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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