Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
