The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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