This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
