She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
