i will never coherently bang her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
