I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
