ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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