If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize