But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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