I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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