We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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