TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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