I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
