Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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