Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
