dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
