kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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