she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
