i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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