there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
