i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
