Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
