ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
