Even the bartender felt bad for me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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