So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
