Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
