well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
