I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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