My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
