you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
