Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
