The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
