OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
