he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
