Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
