somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
