Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
