mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
