i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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