You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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