May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
