all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
