the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize